08-16-2014, 07:39 AM
I don't get the first two lines, it looks like two separate sentences without a period so I stumble immediately when I start reading.
Starting with the rhyme of "neckties" and "sympathize" then not having another rhyme in the poem really throws me off.
Why not just "Stadiums", why add "impenetrable"?
Who is "they"?
"Familial Robin Hoods" could just be Robin Hood... I don't need familial.
I don't understand why 45 punctuation matters, you're going to read this aloud as "45" regardless.
Projects rather than mega projects, what does mega add?
unsuspecting glittery tourists...I'm not sure if I like that
Starting with the rhyme of "neckties" and "sympathize" then not having another rhyme in the poem really throws me off.
Why not just "Stadiums", why add "impenetrable"?
Who is "they"?
"Familial Robin Hoods" could just be Robin Hood... I don't need familial.
I don't understand why 45 punctuation matters, you're going to read this aloud as "45" regardless.
Projects rather than mega projects, what does mega add?
unsuspecting glittery tourists...I'm not sure if I like that