08-12-2014, 12:18 PM
(08-04-2014, 03:55 AM)Smudge173 Wrote: "Right now I’m wondering, where are you now?The meter really needs some work. Try to use a continuous, predictable rhythm (in my opinion) with rhyming poems like this. I'd also suggest reworking a few of the rhymes that aren't really rhymes, like "pieces" and "features." That's fine in songs and stuff, but most of the time poets seem to stick to true rhymes. But I guess that's really up to you, like it all is.
Are we in the same country, or does fate not allow?
Are we thousands of miles apart, or just round the corner?
All I’m sure of at this time, is that love has no border.
What are you doing now? Are you asleep or awake
The more I think about you, the more my heart begins to ache.
Is your mind free like a bird, with wind gushing through your wings
Or are you sat alone just like me, pondering the same things?
Do we have common interests? How about pastimes
Your enjoyment and happiness, will translate into mine.
Are we two peas in a pod, or just like white and black
Because I’ve heard once or twice, that opposites attract.
I’m putting together who you are, but I’m missing a few pieces
Name, face, where you live, and especially your best features.
Right now I’m wondering, when will we ever meet?
Are you a good friend of mine, or a stranger from the street?"
Thanks for reading. I would appreciate any feedback.

