Right Now I'm Wondering...

[bena]

First things first: why have you put your entire poem in quotation marks? Pretty sure you didn't say all this aloud to someone, it seems more of an introspective piece. Questions in general without any real answers can make a poem feel weak, as well as not giving specific images for the reader to cling onto. This is pretty cliché ridden...something even the best of poets have issues with. The general rule of thumb is if you've heard it before, everyone else probably has as well. I don't generally write in rhyme, but there are certain things that I can comment on: A poem that has an AA BB CC DD rhyme scheme can come across as sing-songy and not serious. I think someone may have mentioned that pieces and features don't even make a slant rhyme.

For me it seemed more like a online infatuation, not a military brat thing, but that's just my take. At any rate, hopefully you'll be able to make revisions to do what's in your head justice.


"Right now I’m wondering, where are you now?
Are we in the same country, or does fate not allow?
Are we thousands of miles apart, or just round the corner?
All I’m sure of at this time, is that love has no border.
What are you doing now? Are you asleep or awake
The more I think about you, the more my heart begins to ache.
Is your mind free like a bird, with wind gushing through your wings
Or are you sat alone just like me, pondering the same things?
Do we have common interests? How about pastimes
Your enjoyment and happiness, will translate into mine.
Are we two peas in a pod, or just like white and black
Because I’ve heard once or twice, that opposites attract.
I’m putting together who you are, but I’m missing a few pieces
Name, face, where you live, and especially your best features.

Right now I’m wondering, when will we ever meet?
Are you a good friend of mine, or a stranger from the street?"