The Rut

[ellajam]

Hi, Paul, interesting subject with lots of potential. I think you may be able to trim a bit, here are some notes to consider.

The Rut

A boreal chill prevails; Evocative opening.
bull nostrils in full heat and fury
snort a hormonal hate,
and eyes like soft-boiled eggs watch it condense
into one more mountain mist.
I'm not a fan of "hate" here, for me it reads better as

bull nostrils in full heat
snort a hormonal fury

though I'm not sure you need "bull's". I'm not quite sold on rutting animals watching the chill turn to mist, it's a bit calm for their state.

It's how October demands it.

In the Rockies, testosterone is cash.
Look how they flash it about,
when the rut begins.
Here, I'm not sure you need to mention rut again, maybe

In the Rockies, testosterone is cash.
They flash it about, October demands it.

or something like that.

They gather for their annual ball,
picking fights first with soft cedars,
just to rehearse their horns
before the clashing;
clashing heads and spines
turn fancies into wars.
All well done, maybe lose the just and one clashing.

‘til finally, too concussed to be cold,
a victor meets his ill-betrothed.

It's how October demands it.

Thanks for the enjoyable read.