The Rut

[billy]

hi tiger, i think you did a pretty good job with this one, there's a few nits that tone the poem down fro the all out war it seems to want to be but you have a feel of rut. i'd go for more descriptive words where you can, for instance you say [bull nostrils] a suggestion would be [snorting nostrils] or something else as snort has already been used. i think the last line is to weak a refrain to use it twice,

i'd like to see how you develop this one

thanks for the read.

The Rut

A boreal chill prevails; i keep wanting to read this as arboreal. a suggestion would be [the boreal]
bull nostrils in full heat and fury
snort a hormonal hate, no need for [a] i like the hormonal hate, it's like a male time of the month...in this case year
and eyes like soft-boiled eggs watch it condense i like the juxtaposition of this and the above to separate the male and females.
into one more mountain mist.

It's how October demands it. is [it's how] needed?

In the Rockies, testosterone is cash.
Look how they flash it about, [look how] brings the poem down to much i also thought about swing instead of flash to demonstrate the swaggering male a little more
when the rut begins.

They gather for their annual ball,
picking fights first with soft cedars, a suggestion would be pick] a comma after [fights]
just to rehearse their horns [just] isn't needed and i'm not sure horns do either, a suggestion would be prowess or something to denote how good they are at fighting.
before the clashing; does clash work better?
clashing heads and spines clashing so soon ? can another word other than that and bang be used?
turn fancies into wars.

‘til finally, too concussed to be cold,
a victor meets his ill-betrothed. i'd suggest mounts but that could just be me

It's how October demands it.