Intergalactic Baby Haiku
#3
(08-06-2014, 10:33 AM)crow Wrote:  Haiku on a Giant Baby Destroying Life As We Know It

Yonder interga-
lactic baby thirsts for milk,
and he'll have his Way.
a good senryu. i like the way you broke up intergalactic.

i think a lower case for both 'yonder' and 'way'.

removing the 'and' in the last line would make it more effective. but i guess you have used it to meet the 5-7-5 requirement.
Reply


Messages In This Thread
Intergalactic Baby Haiku - by crow - 08-06-2014, 10:33 AM
RE: Intergalactic Baby Haiku - by Tiger the Lion - 08-06-2014, 10:55 AM
RE: Intergalactic Baby Haiku - by Tamara - 08-06-2014, 11:37 AM
RE: Intergalactic Baby Haiku - by Leanne - 08-06-2014, 12:54 PM
RE: Intergalactic Baby Haiku - by crow - 08-06-2014, 05:36 PM
RE: Intergalactic Baby Haiku - by billy - 08-06-2014, 05:47 PM
RE: Intergalactic Baby Haiku - by ChristopherSea - 08-06-2014, 09:02 PM
RE: Intergalactic Baby Haiku - by ellajam - 08-06-2014, 10:19 PM
RE: Intergalactic Baby Haiku - by crow - 08-07-2014, 02:33 AM



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!