4 a.m.

[addy]

I just love that first stanza, so vivid. That's excellent LB.

I was left a bit hanging by the last stanza: "both bodies joined... they smile." It felt a bit like you cut away at the part when they finally physically joined and cut back already post-coitus. You could write more on this imo.

"they toss their clothes
On the ground
While passionately kissing
He places his hands on her bare body
Caressing her breast with his cold hands"

This stanza, for me, gets too telly. Instead of just telling us literally what they were doing, present a different dimension to the act. What was it like for them? (ex. How about "warming his hand on her shivering breast"?)

Thanks for this one!