Losing the thread

[ChristopherSea]

Calm, in all its continuity,
threaded delicately through time,
flickering past and present

___but threatening to tighten
at the imminent jolt of
__________________unease


Original:

calm in all its continuity
a loose thread through time
not taut

so easily slackens into
flickering shapes of
_____________unease

I saw your calm/thread as a symbol of existence, as in Shri Chimnoy's My Flute excerpt:

'I am the red thread
between
nothingness
and eternity.'

In other words, the thread has the potential of greater allusion for me. Who wouldn't want a calm reality anyway?

You did a good job clarifying your thesis in the edit. ‘flickering’ still may be an issue, unless it’s a gold or silver thread. Do you really mean ‘flicking,’ to suggest movement over the current implication on the play of light using 'flickering'? It may make more sense.

Additionally, do you need ‘imminent’ in the penultimate line? It softened the ‘jolt of unease’ for me.

See what you think./Chris