Fear of Falling edit0.1billy, ella

[Truerenigma]

Each day is the end of a unique journey
begun as a 'kerchief, tear soaked, hits the ground.
Not for us the crack of the starting pistol
or tumultuous baying of craning-necked crowds.
We are born with the screams of creature creation
ringing out plaintively, plangently loud.

The race never stirs us, nor prods us to triumph;
for all that we ask is the chase must go on.
Through anguish and hopelessness, pain and derision,
or victory, glory, high office and wealth,
the route that we travel leads all to that wisdom
sufficient to take us as far as it can.

We measure our lives in the counting of hours
as though marks on the clock-face meant more than time.
Our milestones, our mountains, our barriers broken
we leave far behind as the route writhes and reels.
No scratches on tombstones describe what a life means
but clearly and coldly say, “ He took this long.”

Each day ends the race that we all try to loose;
hoping that seconds will ever extend.
Some look to explain our preposterous progress
that at once is quintessence and yet our set end.
Walk slowly, my friends, on the edge of existence;
falling is final, ‘cept to ask….is that all?

tectak
July 2014-07-24

Tec,

This is a good poem. I like it. But it has some big problems. I follow the hanky deal. The race bit when it makes it commonplace overdone entrance (I've grown sick of saying "trite") in S2 is just not that interesting. I don't mean because I don't like the metaphor. I do. But it's very plain in its initial presentation. I don't mean plain as in clear; I mean plain as in nothing fresh, no new language, nothing aural of merit, no imagery, and no new ideas brought into it.

S3 get's a little better; there is a hole in your theory--scientific evidence shows that we actually measure /time itself/ by sensory input and other content--but that's okay; it's a poem and I see the emotional relevance, the abstract truth, behind it.

The scratched tombstone and the new perspective is wonderful to read - a great new way to process a complex emotion.

The new look on the race "we all try to lose" is nice too - the question at the end is a very good one.

Thanks for the read.