07-26-2014, 06:13 AM
No time to do line by line but wanted to comment that "heaven sent" is way cliché.
And I find there are way too many flutters in here. Yes, it is the title and the content of the poem...but I found myself dreading that there would be another one as I read, and there was.
I kind of like the sporadic rhyme with no form...some of the purists might find it hard to swallow.
You've done some good work on it here, I think it needs just a tuck and pinch here and there and you'll be done.
mel.
And I find there are way too many flutters in here. Yes, it is the title and the content of the poem...but I found myself dreading that there would be another one as I read, and there was.
I kind of like the sporadic rhyme with no form...some of the purists might find it hard to swallow.
You've done some good work on it here, I think it needs just a tuck and pinch here and there and you'll be done.
mel.