The Bee

[tectak]

As observed, the bee seems the perfect servant, "As observed" is reduntant. Of course it is "as observed".
traveling from one location to another. Better a semi colon here as the last two lines do not a sentence make. Nicely observed but lacking in imagery. Somewhat statemental but suited, perhaps, to the concept.
Random, but somehow perfect,
appearing distracted yet always at work. Yes to this but again, blankly stated though wistful. You need to colour up the imagery to make it work...as it is you are watching a bee and telling me what I already know. Show don't tell.

Living in that smaller world, to us, "to us" is reduntantly tautological
we look down on them, Rather clumsy.The "to us" refers to what went before or what went after or both? No comma after "them". You follow with a conjunction and you line-break....surely that is enough?
and receive their toil over breakfast toast,
or other parts of life which require sweetening. There is a nice double entendre which again, is just this side of barren in the imagery department, having no metaphor or simile in the observation....even though you do allude to the extension of sweetness (or otherwise) of life, you do not take the thing by the horns and shake out the distillate. Still, a clean thought and maybe that is how you want it. The real problem though, is that you miss opportunities. We do not "receive their toil" but we recieve the "product of their toil" and in the latter case imagery would be relatively easy to create.

Thinking ourselves better, because we can think. Good closing thought, it is commitment verse, but I stopped breathing because it is just NOT a sentence. You inged your way in to Gerund Crescent and found it was, in fact, a cul de sac. Better, surely, would be:
"We think ourselves better...because we can think".
Overall, there is promise here but even in a short-form verse you could make more of what is, after all, an OBSERVATIONAL piece. The imagery is sadly lacking and I cannot find an example of it which is anything other than strictly photographic in the whole piece. The concatenated allusion to sweet life/bitter life was not given enough weight.
Best,
tectak

[Image: http://latebreakingcatholic.files.wordpr...07/bee.jpg]