07-19-2014, 02:41 AM
Thanks everyone.
The his is a typo. I didn't want to use hers it didn't sit well with me, so I changed to his, and then to they (as in singular they, if you're not familiar, it's a genderqueerness thing) so that's just me not changing it properly. It's just a personal thing I think. I didn't actually know cornflakes is only a brand and cannot be a generic word, I think I'll probably split it in two as I do want emphasis on the "flake" part of it and making it Cornflakes I think removes some of that imagery.
wrt:
""not in fire""
"comma, comma, comma"
"probably don't need "now""
In these specific cases I intentionally had it that way knowing it's not the most grammatically standard or clear, but I feel like it fits with the emotion/tension I want to portray most, but I do often reread it and try to change it up. I kind of like it the way it is though. I guess it's the same reason I said "I kind of like" instead of "I like it the way it is", I suppose projecting weakness and uncertainty is a preferred trait with me if that says anything.
You're right jeans doesn't sound quite right, thanks. And yes I actually like squished pancakes as an imagery in its own I feel like it does bring up the imagery, but it definitely feels out of place in the poem so I'll think of something else.
Thanks again.
The his is a typo. I didn't want to use hers it didn't sit well with me, so I changed to his, and then to they (as in singular they, if you're not familiar, it's a genderqueerness thing) so that's just me not changing it properly. It's just a personal thing I think. I didn't actually know cornflakes is only a brand and cannot be a generic word, I think I'll probably split it in two as I do want emphasis on the "flake" part of it and making it Cornflakes I think removes some of that imagery.
wrt:
""not in fire""
"comma, comma, comma"
"probably don't need "now""
In these specific cases I intentionally had it that way knowing it's not the most grammatically standard or clear, but I feel like it fits with the emotion/tension I want to portray most, but I do often reread it and try to change it up. I kind of like it the way it is though. I guess it's the same reason I said "I kind of like" instead of "I like it the way it is", I suppose projecting weakness and uncertainty is a preferred trait with me if that says anything.
You're right jeans doesn't sound quite right, thanks. And yes I actually like squished pancakes as an imagery in its own I feel like it does bring up the imagery, but it definitely feels out of place in the poem so I'll think of something else.
Thanks again.