Toss out your precious heirlooms -------------- edit 3
#2
Greetings mjake. It is always prudent to post your edited poem above the original for the readers to follow the logic of your revision. As it stands, you have a single run on sentence. You could try full stops after bags, and with an edit, again after windows. Nonetheless, I do like some of your steampunk imagery. It's a bit much to take in and visualize in a single breath. Also, rather than a repeat of the first line, your title could become the first line. You know:

Toss out your precious heirlooms
of blue blooded rags

See what you think. Good luck with your poem./Chris
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris
Reply


Messages In This Thread
RE: Toss out your precious heirlooms -- edited - by ChristopherSea - 07-15-2014, 08:38 PM



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!