Empire

[Tiger the Lion]

Hello and welcome. I like most of this on first read. I will try to make some notes below.

Fatigue sets like KFC grease
on scratched out mice and keyboard canyons
filled with cornflakes and crisp crumbs, theAs a brand, I think you have to cap "Cornflakes" or make it two words.
stray and forgotten soldiers of
previous nights and months.

They sank their body deepbodies?
into their swivel chair unswivelling, jeansjeans/impressions is awkward and a little ambiguous. Maybe denim?
impressions etched onto the pillow there, flat like
squished pancakes, doing its bestflat pancakes is a little cliche, even if you squish them.
and yet so little to alleviate the
day/night's wear between the
five minute breaks they take to stretch and
grab another soda for the creation
and expansion of his
can-pyramid empire.

Obsession manifests in not some fire, "not in fire"
but the oddly inconsistent
drone of the laptop's fan,
the machine not quite overheating as they're
not quite meeting the plans quotas dreams comma, comma, comma
expectations of more hopeful days.
Yet no failure is enough to persuade them
when, with no alternatives, it's
become too late to now give up--probably don't need "now"
not on hope but slow cooking suicide
like cigarettes smoke drifting
from the patio
between breaks of daylight. "God's
in his heaven." All's
right.

I hope at least some of that is helpful. Thanks for sharing. - Paul