I dreamt of dreaming

[gernseeker]

Well....this is the first poem I'm proud of. I have absolutely no knowledge in meter, the concept eludes me for the moment. I did what some label as 'syllabic meter' in efforts of taking my first steps. My dream is to write a sonnet *thinks happily to self.* Go ahead and crucify me guys! It'll help in the long run!

I dreamt of dreaming

I almost swear I dreamt of dreaming --
I saw myself through visions beaming,
And yes, it was the strangest feeling.
It may have been a sporadic doze,
In which outside clamor, interposed,
But into a deeper sleep, I dove.

In this dream I overhead a song,
With melodies, from worlds' beyond,
From a siren who laid near a pond.
My first instinct was to stop and stare,
And listen in, on the song she shared,
Until she flashed an ominous glare.

To this, I stumbled backwards in fright;
I struggled to flea, with all my might,
Until a refrain ended my plight.
By the end of her song, my limbs froze.
Her heavenly hymn sent me to doze,
And into a deeper sleep, I dove.

I saw myself lying in my bed.
A golden goddess perched by my head,
Who then announced, "You're 'ever in debt."
After this encounter, I awoke.
I thought to myself: A dream, I hope?
But on the wall I spotted a note
Which shared the words that goddess spoke.

You've challenged yourself with your form - to present so many consecutive rhymes without sounding forced in some places would be difficult.

To wit: pond, glare, all of the "ights", and doze all feel labored.

You might try one of two things (or both):

Either use multisyllabic/compound rhymes (more than one syllable rhymes); or

Enjambment. Other than in a couple spots (like your final couplet) your ideas all take a rest at the end of your lines, which makes the rhyming even more emphasized and thus sing-song-y. Instead, try to wrap your thoughts through the end of the line and into the next. The rhymes will stick less and the ideas will flow more easily. This technique would also allow you to express, explore and extend your better ideas while minimizing the labor of cramming in concepts.

I love rhyming poetry and very much enjoyed reading yours. Keep fighting to make it better! A structured meter could be your next step.

Best,

J