Church Music

[RSaba]

I like this a lot- hope these notes help.

In spring when the last bale is fed out
and before this year's crop,
another twenty thousand strong, no comma here
fills the gaping space again, if you lay this out as a sentence, this comma should be a semi colon. This is nitpicky stuff, but it stands out to me when I read.
a multitude build their nests
along the ancient hay fork track
and in the dozens of corner braces
that grace the timber frame. Really neat imagery, making a graceful picture out of rough material.

Long before first light comma
sporadic voices predict the dawn,
and as the east begins to glow
a hallelujah chorus forms among the beams. that's a beautiful idea. A hallelujah chorus is a sound and so the idea of it "forming" along the beams is really cool.
Amplified by half an acre of tin roof I relate so much to this image. Comma at the end of this line though
is this rejoicing at the defeat of darkness.
In the bones of a rural cathedral Favourite line in the whole poem. Comma!
exuberant praise for the morning.

Something useful to do is lay a poem out in sentences and make sure to iron out the small grammar or punctuation issues that could hamper reading. Other than that, I really enjoy this poem. It's descriptive and feels so warm and familiar to me. Great write!