Cradle Moon

[tectak]

This needs to get better, but being as it is mine I feel like I'm being too delicate with the dismantling that brings that betterness. The second poem I've ever done. Tear it up.

Cradle moon 'O cradle moon, You are talking to the moon as an owl to a pussycat. Narrative is never easy in poetry as one tends to wax over-lyrical. Try to keep the texture of your work consistent rather than go from romantic overkill to factualising in such a few lines. So, for me.
Above me swung the cradle moon,
hanging silent in the sky;
watching but with slight intent
yet still I wonder why.
....your poem, and my words are not your words. Just explanatory.

hanged so slight up in the sky, Hanged is wrong(hung or hanging)anyway, and "hanged slight" is doubly so. What do you mean? ( and if you explain clearly then I will ask you why did you not say that, then, in the first place?). "So" is a polyfiller.
watching not with such intent,
don't you think that we ask why?

Math and science some will say, Maths. Mathematics is never singular as a noun.
drapes your lash and lid so low,
but I know a lover's tryst,
halves your glancing silver glow. I should not be expected to work so hard for meaning. Here are the key words. Math,science,lash,lid, tryst,glancing,glow. If forced under threat of having my favourite eye sliced with a blunt fish knife then I would probably come up with the same as you...but it is your choice which words you use. Change them.

Like a lady you'd not gaze,
on those entwined 'neath your light,
yet too thrilled to look away,
from the secrets of your night. Now just stop right now and READ this stanza...not for the sake of the words but for the MEANING. Why wouldn't a lady gaze. Mine does. Why would "we" be entwined...and how? Obviously, we are talking lovers, here. Entwined bodies. Fine. Simple. But your metaphorical lady/moon does not gaze, then does gaze ( does not turn away as it is all too thrilling) and why worry? It's a well lit secret. No. Write clearly. That's all. The rest WILL follow.

In spite if everything you have a nice concept here, if a little second-hand. Treat it differently and you could get something out of it....but as always, what you get out is directly related to what you put in. Be sure of what you want to say, then put it another way.
Best and welcome.
tectak