Cradle Moon

[Brownlie]

This needs to get better, but being as it is mine I feel like I'm being too delicate with the dismantling that brings that betterness. The second poem I've ever done. Tear it up.


Cradle moon 'O cradle moon, -- I'm not sure about the repetition of cradle moon and the word O' it sort of shadows the whole poem.
hanged so slight up in the sky, -- The word "so" sounds as if it was padded to fit a meter.
watching not with such intent, -- The syntax seems a bit awkward here.
don't you think that we ask why? - I see this type of thing a lot in poetry, it seems akin to that meme "Magnets, how do they work?"

Math and science some will say,
drapes your lash and lid so low,
but I know a lover's tryst,
halves your glancing silver glow.

Like a lady you'd not gaze,
on those entwined 'neath your light, -- I wish we could still use some of those archaic words such as "yonder" and the various elided words found in older poetry, but I think it is generally frowned upon today. Therefore, I would consider your use of the word 'neath. Isn't the moon actually reflected light or something.
yet too thrilled to look away,
from the secrets of your night. -- I worry about your rhymes here; glaring rhymes can cheapen a poem.

There is a lot of poetic history about the moon including a lot that makes it the feminine counterpart to the sun or something or the guiding force for the insane, and of course there are the tides and what not. In the end, though I'm not an astrologist, it seems to be a rock in vacuous space. Still, it does look like a cradle in some of its formations. I don't know if you were alluding to something or not.
I don't think this was so bad, I struggle in writing this stuff myself. I left some notes, thanks for posting.