Shadow's Embrace

[S.M. Bondurant]

When the space becomes tight,
and the candle too bright
Snuff out the sight that confines.

I liked this opening stanza. I feel like it is a very strong start. If I were going to change anything about it as a reader, it would be changing sight to light in line three. Of course that would disrupt your use of the world light in the next stanza..

When the moment that breaks,
shatters all the light
Crawl back to the place where the senses don't hide.

I see where you were going with this stanza. Your instance of using 'the' and 'all' in line two throws that line off for me though. It might sound better to use one or the other and you would still convey the same meaning - my suggestion would be to keep the 'all' so that you're not repeating too many uses of 'the'. Your first stanza sets a few precedents to me that don't seem followed through in this stanza, like the rhyme in each line and the short, snappiness of the line. Rather, there are no more rhymes in this second stanza and the third line drags out a bit.

In darkness it repeats,
coiling through the sun that it heats
Calling out to the Creatures of the Night that she needs.

Choose emptiness and you will find Her.

The second line in this stanza doesn't make very much sense to me. I feel like you could take the last, longest line, change some wording, and make it into two separate lines that would complete this stanza.

Do keep in mind that all of my suggestions are those of an extremely novice poet himself, so they're all just suggestions from a reader about what would make this piece sound better to him. Thank you for sharing it.