Cavelight

[Tiger the Lion]

I think there is something here but it needs an overhaul. I hope it is an enjoyable read as is, but I'm very open to direction as I feel it's a little self-indulgent. Thanks.

Cavelight

Suddenly light,
through an impossible crack,
narrowly dissecting incumbent shadows
and igniting paradigms
with laser concentration. The last three lines are wordy - but they work.

Suddenly hope,
trucking in like Bigfoot,
muddying our floors, brash and uninvited,
where we don't usually entertain fabled notions
at the same bar where loss comes to drink.

Suddenly song,
above monotonous doubt and the static of hurt;
above tomorrow’s mumbling voices
and yesterday’s rumbling clouds,
clapping thunder for another encore

Suddenly choice,
where decisions were decidedly made I don't like decidedly here, but maybe that was the point.
by enduring ghosts, now frustrated and grey,
now exhausted and suddenly spooked I don't think now or suddenly are needed again here.
by light and hope and song

Or suddenly dark, Perhaps something like "tranquil and" could be used here in place of suddenly to further the contrast.
and we won't be asked again to refract colour
or listen for echoes in painted caves.
We won't be asked again to stream through an impossible crack
to dissect any of it.

I like this poem a lot - it reminds me of one of my favorite songs "After Hours" by The Velvet Underground. I agree that your 4th stanza's the weakest, but can't think of anything to help you out with it aside from cutting a few words.

Thank you so much Wjames. I was going over all the comments before sitting down to do an edit, and I was fixed on your suggestion about the first line of the last stanza. I really liked your suggestion of "tranquil and dark" and the logic behind it. I was almost inclined to use it verbatim when I decided on "Or finally dark", which is (at least for my intents) far superior to the original write "Or suddenly dark." It never would have occurred to me but for your advice about contrast. Very grateful. Thank you. Edit coming soon, I hope.- Paul