06-24-2014, 06:59 AM
emilie autumn probably isn't the best artist to follow for poetic inspiration, she has like one good song and it's instrumental
Anyways, "I was your opheliac" then stuff happens and "I became your opheliac"? Maybe get the time-frame in order. the jumps between present, past tense are cluttered and hard to follow.
"
And painted bloody pictures on the floor
Of death despair and war"
I think this heartbroken girl would have more relevant things to focus on than painting pictures of 'Nam on the floor.
Anyways, "I was your opheliac" then stuff happens and "I became your opheliac"? Maybe get the time-frame in order. the jumps between present, past tense are cluttered and hard to follow.
"
And painted bloody pictures on the floor
Of death despair and war"
I think this heartbroken girl would have more relevant things to focus on than painting pictures of 'Nam on the floor.