06-18-2014, 10:28 AM
a suggestion;
not while you still inspire me to
take
a deep
breath.
while you inspire me
to breathe.
deeply
if you tighten a poem up as much as the poem needs it you'll keep the reader longer. there still a few places where you can tighten up
not while you still inspire me to
take
a deep
breath.
while you inspire me
to breathe.
deeply
if you tighten a poem up as much as the poem needs it you'll keep the reader longer. there still a few places where you can tighten up
(06-17-2014, 06:59 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote: Trying to figure out how to package this. in general i prefer left adjust and some sort of visual symmetry. or at least no lines that stick out. in longer poems maybe, but as a short poem you need to make it as word frugal as possible
Winded
Deflating and yet celebrating no need for and
the manic time, that was
just yesterday, and every day
is yesterday, because
I won't deflate entirely,
not while you still inspire me to
take
a deep
breath.