06-18-2014, 08:45 AM
This piece has potential, yet a few words seem superfluous.
In L3, "through" could go, leaving "sliced air."
Similarly (stipulated by the title) L11 doesn't require the word, "fan."
L16 also seems wordy, as does L17, from which "days" could be axed without loss.
Again owing to concision, the stench of vodka might overpower a family's love in L18.
These would be minor amendments to solid work.
Well done.
In L3, "through" could go, leaving "sliced air."
Similarly (stipulated by the title) L11 doesn't require the word, "fan."
L16 also seems wordy, as does L17, from which "days" could be axed without loss.
Again owing to concision, the stench of vodka might overpower a family's love in L18.
These would be minor amendments to solid work.
Well done.