On a cold spring morning

[just mercedes]

I've left you some thoughts about your poem - well done, and thanks for posting it.

On a cold spring
Morning, caught
In all our waking
Hours, the sun rises
Out of the deep pines I like the image
It is our friend, see
Him read the lay It? Or him?
Of the promised land 'read the lay / of the promised land' is a bit obscure for me
The networks of roads and people-
See him shout down the
Close brick houses
Drunk as Dionysus as summer turns- two 'as' too close together - another in the next line too
Or a wildcat weeping as we sing dirges why dirges? it's morning
A pregnant mother’s laugh at celebration songs I miss the meaning here too
He is our friend, happy as can be
Washing the blood from the night, nice visual of a red sunrise
That same dawn- that same dawn what breaks this line looks a bit clumsy - I'm sure you can rewrite it
Over and over.

Hi - and welcome! Maybe billy will stop by and tell you how to keep your format.