06-14-2014, 06:11 AM
This poem is in iambic tetrameter with rhyming couplets, which makes this a bit singsong.
"And love someone despite their faults"
Maybe "To play a role for others' eyes"
On "stolen" the stress is on the first syllable. Making S3 L2 3rd foot trochee, and not iamb.
"Love's lost in time stolen in youth"
Probably need to not cap every line, and find some punctuation.
Probably not the greatest form to choose for a serious poem. Just by dint of the form, it makes anything come off as slightly childish, regardless of the content. Even going to an abab rhyme scheme would help to ameliorate the effect to some degree.
Welcome to the site,
Dale
"And love someone despite their faults"
Maybe "To play a role for others' eyes"
On "stolen" the stress is on the first syllable. Making S3 L2 3rd foot trochee, and not iamb.
"Love's lost in time stolen in youth"
Probably need to not cap every line, and find some punctuation.
Probably not the greatest form to choose for a serious poem. Just by dint of the form, it makes anything come off as slightly childish, regardless of the content. Even going to an abab rhyme scheme would help to ameliorate the effect to some degree.
Welcome to the site,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.