Including the Night of the Bartender

[QDeathstar]

Tongues loosen,
fall to the floor
like bar keep change

lights tip,
pool cues dip

everybody’s touched,
everything is moved.

An evening begins with a rock
plant grows on rock
animal eats plant
person eats animal
person dies of overeating
an evening begins anew with a rock. this stanza feels like a different poem

One girl leaves her grief in the car;
to her, it is no more than foreskin
on a soft-skinned pear. this is the best stanza

In the mirror behind the bottlesso far everything has been in third person, why change now? What hypocrisy?
is the one who accompanies you
on these nights rich in hypocrisy.

It’s good to know tall glasses
are for drinks; most folks don’t
realize what their thirst is for. i think this should end the poem

Wings, talons, all that hair:
do not heed the hawk’s lecture
when you’ve got it all, babe.

At the end of the night,
most are sparrows
in winter branches
without a name;
the last one out
shuts the door.

I kinda like the idea of opening by describing the scene, then pointing out several characters [as in stanza 5] and closing with what i think is the main point of this poem, stanza 7.

The animal stanza is cliche and comes out as just words to me.