Every Sunday

[Joey Automata]

Here's an edit of one of the NaPM poems I managed to write. Original here: http://www.pigpenpoetry.com/showthread.php?tid=14033

Dressed in purple robes this time
stiff scarf draped round his neck
he chants the sacred words
above some bread and wine
and takes predetermined steps
around a table, chairs and candles.
My mother’s heavy on her knees,
chin to chest and forehead lined.
I imitate, mine bumping
into the back of the next pew,
till I get bored and turn around
continue with my crayons
to color Jesus red.

I like it. It's cute. I think the ending is great. Took more 2-3 lines to figure out you were talking about church. When I saw the title, the guy in me wanted it to be about football. Anyway, the reason I liked the ending was because we knew it was you at church but we didn't know "when" it was you. I wasn't expected a child, so when it got to the end with you coloring in a coloring book, it threw me off. I also like the theme of color. The first line started off with purple robes and the last line finished off with red crayons. Not sure about "this time" in the first line. I don't know much about church. Do they change the color of robes frequently? Is "this time" really necessary. Maybe it is. Just, as someone not familiar with how church works, I don't know and there's no explanation in the poem. Not sure about the word "predetermined" line 5. It kinda throws me off for steps to be predetermined when you walking around something. Usually when I think predetermined steps, I think like marching or something. So if the table, chairs and candles aren't in the exact correct spot, would he walk into them? I like the word "pew." It's just a good word. Overall, it's a nice little poem. I like poems that just describe a point in time. It's straight to the point, it's clear and concrete, and the reader can visualize it. I like it.