06-11-2014, 09:57 AM
Thank you bena et all for your comments, I think several of them might be helpful.
Here is an edit:
I hear the crackle and feel the boom,
light flashes and I can see
your stormy eyes staring seductively.
The aroma of virga fills the air;
A gust pushes chimes, they surrender.
The storm is coming.
The first drop wets a blade of grass,
erect, ready to accept the warmth
of summer's shower.
Everything feels intense now:
the vibrating thunder, throbbing lighting, and dripping rain.
The storm has came.
I had also considered this as a closing stanza:
Every experience intense now:
the vibrating thunder, throbbing lighting, and wetting rain.
The storm came.
Then left.
The problem I have with changing it from "has came" to "came" is that the first sentence of the stanza is in present tense... While "came" would be in past tense.
Here is an edit:
I hear the crackle and feel the boom,
light flashes and I can see
your stormy eyes staring seductively.
The aroma of virga fills the air;
A gust pushes chimes, they surrender.
The storm is coming.
The first drop wets a blade of grass,
erect, ready to accept the warmth
of summer's shower.
Everything feels intense now:
the vibrating thunder, throbbing lighting, and dripping rain.
The storm has came.
I had also considered this as a closing stanza:
Every experience intense now:
the vibrating thunder, throbbing lighting, and wetting rain.
The storm came.
Then left.
The problem I have with changing it from "has came" to "came" is that the first sentence of the stanza is in present tense... While "came" would be in past tense.