06-10-2014, 12:20 AM
This seems a bit didactic for a poem, especially the first stanza. In the first stanza specifically, there is no cadence or rhythm. It gets somewhat better in S2, with the introduction of some rhythm and some incidental rhyme. I think the writer is doing a bit of beating a dead horse, and most of what is here could be contained in about 10 to 12 lines. There are a number of themes that repeat several times. Also the self pity stuff doesn't really go over well...never does.
Welcome to the site,
Dale
Welcome to the site,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.