06-08-2014, 08:56 PM
Hi folks!
Anyhoo...
Even though the "a" and "o" keys are rather far apart on the keyboard I have to think that this is a typo.
Who is the "you" in "your"? God? Your SO? Some sky/storm goddess? The first stanza leads me to think that you're going to be romantic, not meteorological. (Nobody, other than a professional meteorologist, is going to know what a virga is.)
Quoth Tom Hanks in Big, "I don't get it."
Whatever the point of "It Arrives" is, I think you could make it a lot better.
nb
Anyhoo...
(06-08-2014, 03:32 PM)Qdeathstar Wrote: I hear the crackle and feel the boom,Your punctuation & use of (indefinite & definite) articles, or lack thereof, appears to be random.
light flashes and I can see
your stormy eyes staring seductively.
The aroma of virga fills the air,
A gust pushes chimes, they surrender.
The storm is coming.
The first drop wets a blade of grass,
erect, ready to accept the warmth
of summer's shower.
Everything feels intense now.
The vivid lightning, thumping thunder, and torrential rain.
The storm has came.
Quote:The storm has came.
Even though the "a" and "o" keys are rather far apart on the keyboard I have to think that this is a typo.
Who is the "you" in "your"? God? Your SO? Some sky/storm goddess? The first stanza leads me to think that you're going to be romantic, not meteorological. (Nobody, other than a professional meteorologist, is going to know what a virga is.)
Quoth Tom Hanks in Big, "I don't get it."
Whatever the point of "It Arrives" is, I think you could make it a lot better.
nb