No Longer Dancing

[Brownlie]

final (or close to it)

No Longer Dancing

Didn't see your edit here, sorry about that. I'm going to let the robot read this one: https://www.yakitome.com/tts?a=T&b=874753&c=ZM8Dz6nze&d=T

The poem definitely seemed to have it's moments, but I think your refrain may be hindering you. I don't mean to be pushy here.

I will not dance the mambo on your window ledge,
nor hoof your soft-shoe next winter, bogged down by snow.
A marriage can not waltz on a stiletto's edge.

Your last volley of insults has driven a wedge -- I would think about include some of the specific insults.
as deep as the hollow from where your voice bellows.
I will not do the mambo on your window ledge.

There’s no enduring passion left for you to dredge;
I nearly drowned before in your cruel undertow
in this marriage that waltzes the stiletto's edge.

From your black forest of guilt, this lovebird has fledged
your wretched nest, which harbors nothing but sorrow.
I won’t dance a last mambo on the window ledge

on my term's final eve. I've cleared the boxwood hedge.
Your love seat of thorns sits empty, now that you know -- Ouch!
that I won't waltz with you on a stiletto's edge.

You’re banished from my life, this is a sober pledge.
A new vista’s rousing. Can you hear the cock crow? -- This question worked very well in the reading.
I’ll never dance the mambo on your window ledge.
A marriage does not waltz on a stiletto's edge. -- The refrain isn't bad, but it still reads a bit clunky at the end.

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brownlie/ellajam edit 1&2

No Longer Dancing

I will not dance the mambo on your window ledge,
nor hoof your soft-shoe next winter, bogged down by snow.
A marriage can not waltz on a stiletto's edge.

Your last volley of insults has driven a wedge
as deep as the hollow from where your voice bellows.
I will not do the mambo on your window ledge.

There’s no enduring passion left for you to dredge;
I nearly drowned before in your cruel undertow
in this marriage that waltzes the stiletto's edge.

From your black forest of guilt, this lovebird has fledged
your wretched nest, which harbors nothing but sorrow.
I won’t dance a last mambo on the window ledge

on my term's final eve. I've cleared the boxwood hedge.
Your love seat of thorns sits empty, now that you know
that I won't waltz with you on a stiletto's edge.

You’re banished from my life, this is a sober pledge.
A new vista’s rousing. Can you hear the cock crow?
I’ll never dance the mambo on your window ledge.
A marriage does not waltz on a stiletto's edge.

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(My NaPM Villanelle that ellajam encouraged me to workshop)

No Longer Dancing

I won’t dance the mambo on your window ledge;
hoof a soft-shoe in quicksand, bogged down by woe.
A relationship can't waltz on a dagger's edge.

Your last volley of insults has driven a wedge
deeper than that hollow from where your voice bellows.
I will not do the mambo on your window ledge.

There’s no enduring passion left for you to dredge
up; I nearly drowned once in your cruel undertow
in a relationship waltzing the dagger’s edge.

From a forest of guilt, this lovebird has fledged
your wretched nest, which harbors nothing but sorrow.
I won’t dance a last mambo on the window ledge

on my term's final eve. I've cleared the boxwood hedge.
Your love seat of thorns sits empty, now that you know
that I will not waltz with you on a dagger’s edge.

You’re banished from my life; this is a sober pledge.
A new vista’s rousing. Can you hear the cock crow?
I’ll never dance the mambo on your window ledge.
A relationship can’t waltz on a dagger's edge.

The most pressing matter is the refrain, and lining them up at the end. The question about the cock crow worked beautifully though. Thanks for editing.