Plasticine

[RSaba]

I like the images in this. It's easy to read since it's just 3 sentences. However, the first one might not be correct. I laid it all out like this:

I remember a limousine, and a girl singing just flat enough to notice a shyness not quite abandoned behind darkened windows and drinks included.

Is the girl noticing the "shyness"? Or is she singing just flat enough that the flatness is noticeable? If the latter is the case, you might want to think about adding a dash after notice- or maybe even just making this into 2 sentences. However, the second chunk wouldn't quite be a sentence... I'm not sure what to suggest.

Hope that all makes sense. Good write!