06-04-2014, 01:02 AM
I don't intend to come off as mean or rude with this, but I was bored. I LOVE internal rhyme and trying to rhyme as much as possible, but you went for really low hanging fruits. I am definitely guilty of doing the same thing, but I am working on alleviating that from my poems because it is easy and, as ellajam pointed out, doesn't really add to your poem. It sounds cool when a rapper says it over a beat, but when read off a page rhyming a bunch of one syllable words doesn't really improve anything.
Erthona already broke your poem down so I will not do that, but I see the same problems he does. There is potential with this, you just need to work on it some more.
All that being said, KEEP WRITING! I am not a great writer by any stretch of the imagination but I can see myself getting better the more I write. Just keep putting the pen to the paper!
Erthona already broke your poem down so I will not do that, but I see the same problems he does. There is potential with this, you just need to work on it some more.
All that being said, KEEP WRITING! I am not a great writer by any stretch of the imagination but I can see myself getting better the more I write. Just keep putting the pen to the paper!
I write what I see. Write to make it right, don't like where I be. I'd like to make it like the sights on TV. Quite the great life, so nice and easy.