Let memories remain as memories' stain

[Brownlie]

I've only really used refrains with a couple forms you can find the forms in the practice section, but you might want to try writing in blank verse, or ballad meter before attempting anything formal. Of course, there are other ways to use refrains and you might be able to use them effectively in free verse but it might be tough.

Let memories remain as memories' stain -- There appears to be a grammatical error here
Rain of all seasons may thud and thunder, -- This appears to be trochaic which is an interesting touch.
Snow can tip toe upon the earthly thighs -
And sunlight lay naked on naked flesh.
Let memories remain as memories' stain

Balanced on our fathers sins and mothers tears -- apostrophe

We shape the space and time with knives and fears
We laugh and bay as sour pigs
At those of similar tongue and brain;
memories cracked yet remain.

Though we thrash like babies
And howl like hounds
Let us mark the dirt on our fathers garb -- apostrophe
Leave our mothers tears to have glistened
On shoulders of younger bone.
Bather our hearts in infinite sun -- I think bather is a noun

Let overfill our timeless brains
let memories remain as memories' stain

The grammatical problem in the refrain really hinders the poem, but its not so bad of an early attempt. Maybe try blank verse with concrete details.

---

I've only really used refrains with a couple forms you can find the forms in the practice section, but you might want to try writing in blank verse, or ballad meter before attempting anything formal. Of course, there are other ways to use refrains and you might be able to use them effectively in free verse but it might be tough.

Let memories remain as memories' stain -- There appears to be a grammatical error here
Rain of all seasons may thud and thunder, -- This appears to be trochaic which is an interesting touch.
Snow can tip toe upon the earthly thighs -
And sunlight lay naked on naked flesh.
Let memories remain as memories' stain

Balanced on our fathers sins and mothers tears -- apostrophe

We shape the space and time with knives and fears
We laugh and bay as sour pigs
At those of similar tongue and brain;
memories cracked yet remain.

Though we thrash like babies
And howl like hounds
Let us mark the dirt on our fathers garb -- apostrophe
Leave our mothers tears to have glistened
On shoulders of younger bone.
Bather our hearts in infinite sun -- I think bather is a noun

Let overfill our timeless brains
let memories remain as memories' stain

The grammatical problem in the refrain really hinders the poem, but its not so bad of an early attempt. Maybe try blank verse with concrete details.