06-02-2014, 05:33 AM
laffitaff,
A Palestinian soldier returns from Israel, would be my guess at what the title should be, but I dislike guessing and purposeful obfuscation.
The imagery is very good. The description of the country with some nice metaphors mixed in.
"Israel’s eclipsed heavens
weighed slightly of silver in the desert"
This might be slightly wishful thinking, but certainly there is a lot of financial support given to Israel,
This is one of my favorites:
"They all bellowed American songs
while the morning star reasonably
enlightened dust."
That has a nice satiric edge to it. Might as well enlighten dust as to cast pearls before swine.
Also enjoyed the double entendre of
"he retreated inside
to kindle a young fire."
Of course that is also sad as that is how these things keep going.
Your title could read "Some soldier comes home and here is a description of his home", as I think most who read this will miss the majority of your subtle references. Although I am willing to concede my unfamiliarity with the area could make things seem more obscure than they actually are.
I look forward to seeing more of your writing.
Best,
Dale
A Palestinian soldier returns from Israel, would be my guess at what the title should be, but I dislike guessing and purposeful obfuscation.
The imagery is very good. The description of the country with some nice metaphors mixed in.
"Israel’s eclipsed heavens
weighed slightly of silver in the desert"
This might be slightly wishful thinking, but certainly there is a lot of financial support given to Israel,
This is one of my favorites:
"They all bellowed American songs
while the morning star reasonably
enlightened dust."
That has a nice satiric edge to it. Might as well enlighten dust as to cast pearls before swine.
Also enjoyed the double entendre of
"he retreated inside
to kindle a young fire."
Of course that is also sad as that is how these things keep going.
Your title could read "Some soldier comes home and here is a description of his home", as I think most who read this will miss the majority of your subtle references. Although I am willing to concede my unfamiliarity with the area could make things seem more obscure than they actually are.
I look forward to seeing more of your writing.
Best,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.