05-28-2014, 08:01 AM
This is imagist poetry in the purest sense, circa 1917 CE, except for the word "truth" which might be replaced by fact. Instead of:
"Fate
last cold meal"
"Final
cold meal"
That's of course if you want it to be an imagist poem. Personally I'm not a fan of the style. And it is true you break out of the purely objective (if there even is such a thing) at the end and demand recognition of something that is common to all, but also subjective; the realization that death has come. A truth we give lip service to, yet really do not believe. There is much philosophy/mysticism that talks of living with an awareness of death, but I have always found that to be disingenuous. Anything that we are aware of coming in time, we anticipate, and how can one live life anticipating death? Regardless, the sparsity does little for me despite the semi form with the end rhyme tying it together. To me, the space is the only saving grace, if it is removed, what does one have?
Air: wet, cool, still
Stone: hard, cruel, real
Steel: rust, cage, shrill
Fate: last cold meal
Death: see truth, kneel
Seems more a laundry list. At least two of the rhymes seem forced. The first two items have a heading, and qualities of the heading follow. Take the second: "Stone: hard, cruel, real" Yes, Stone is hard, cruel, and real. However you break the pattern with the next item: Steel. Steel is not "shrill". This causes the reader to wonder, what do these first two items have to do with the rest. Air is everywhere, so is rock, what do these things have to do with what follows;what is the connection? If, as one assumes this is about a prisoner on death row, right before he dies. Yet Air is everywhere and prisons are no longer made of stone, neither do inmates break rocks in chain gangs. I could go on I suppose. His fate is death, not a meal, and usually the meal is a good one, and not cold unless so ordered by the prisoner. And the last, kneel? Is he going to be beheaded? SO what on the surface looks like a clever piece, simply falls apart upon closer examination. It does not fall apart when compared to some external standard, it falls apart through it's own internal contradictions.
I would guess that there was some inspiration involved, as I can see some of it's sprinkle here and there, but this poem was written as a young man makes love, quickly and carelessly, and with little thought to the outcome, only that there is one.
I think there is a legitimate poem buried underneath this scarcity of words, but it seems to me that looking death in the eye as the ax falls needs more care, and deserves more words. Give me Death in something more than a mankini! To be or knot. Aye, there's the rub! Tomorrow we shall be grave men, yes, grave men all!
Best,
Dale
"Fate
last cold meal"
"Final
cold meal"
That's of course if you want it to be an imagist poem. Personally I'm not a fan of the style. And it is true you break out of the purely objective (if there even is such a thing) at the end and demand recognition of something that is common to all, but also subjective; the realization that death has come. A truth we give lip service to, yet really do not believe. There is much philosophy/mysticism that talks of living with an awareness of death, but I have always found that to be disingenuous. Anything that we are aware of coming in time, we anticipate, and how can one live life anticipating death? Regardless, the sparsity does little for me despite the semi form with the end rhyme tying it together. To me, the space is the only saving grace, if it is removed, what does one have?
Air: wet, cool, still
Stone: hard, cruel, real
Steel: rust, cage, shrill
Fate: last cold meal
Death: see truth, kneel
Seems more a laundry list. At least two of the rhymes seem forced. The first two items have a heading, and qualities of the heading follow. Take the second: "Stone: hard, cruel, real" Yes, Stone is hard, cruel, and real. However you break the pattern with the next item: Steel. Steel is not "shrill". This causes the reader to wonder, what do these first two items have to do with the rest. Air is everywhere, so is rock, what do these things have to do with what follows;what is the connection? If, as one assumes this is about a prisoner on death row, right before he dies. Yet Air is everywhere and prisons are no longer made of stone, neither do inmates break rocks in chain gangs. I could go on I suppose. His fate is death, not a meal, and usually the meal is a good one, and not cold unless so ordered by the prisoner. And the last, kneel? Is he going to be beheaded? SO what on the surface looks like a clever piece, simply falls apart upon closer examination. It does not fall apart when compared to some external standard, it falls apart through it's own internal contradictions.
I would guess that there was some inspiration involved, as I can see some of it's sprinkle here and there, but this poem was written as a young man makes love, quickly and carelessly, and with little thought to the outcome, only that there is one.
I think there is a legitimate poem buried underneath this scarcity of words, but it seems to me that looking death in the eye as the ax falls needs more care, and deserves more words. Give me Death in something more than a mankini! To be or knot. Aye, there's the rub! Tomorrow we shall be grave men, yes, grave men all!
Best,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.