Eternal Recurrence

[Todd]

Hi world, welcome to the site!

There's nothing wrong with taking a philosophical idea or construct and building a poem around it. What you have to take care about is making sure that you aren't simply telling the reading things instead of engaging them visually with imagery and making them feel something about the piece.

I think what you've done here is mostly lay out propositional content. It needs imagery and emotive power to be effective. A few line comments below:

One of my recent ones. Any critique is welcome.

I wander to distant lands
to find my soul
from down below.--This reads choppy. Insert a half pause between the line breaks that don't have punctuation and read it out loud. You need a stronger opening line. I would look for the most engaging idea or image and start there.
At times, the journey is gloom.--the journey is gloom feels awkward gloomy is the more normal word. Anything else breaks the reader out of the read. Also, it is again just flat reporting there isn't the condensed power of a good poetic line.
If only it would end
so very soon.--This so very soon sounds odd. You're forcing the speaker of the poem to adopt poor diction
Many times, I have trembled,
fallen to a stupor
with my head on the ground.--again these last few lines are reporting rather than experiencing
My tears are really blood,--really is a qualifier that adds nothing. This is your first real image. Consider developing it more.
I'm bleeding sorrow,--This is abstract. It would be better to show an action that conveys sorrow rather than telling us.
I'm at the new low.--Again telling rather than conveying with an image or an action

So many others are just like me,
bleeding eternally
from their inner void.--this just feels like poetic speak that doesn't say much. It feels overly melodramatic.
Then there are those who numb themselves
from the hear of hell--You probably mean "fear"(typo)
that awaits them.
Others may just be sheep,--second image. Consider looking at the images you used and ask yourself if you re-imagine the poem built more closely around those images.
eyes open but asleep
throughout their lives.
Eternal Recurrence, why thou betray me?
Why thou betray us all?
Why torture us all?--Ending on three questions, adding no new content, and switching to archaic language are all mistakes in my opinion.

You have some options when editing. I think paring it down to the images and trying another approach might be something that could work.

Best,

Todd