05-24-2014, 02:13 PM
I think the discussion happening in this thread is a good lesson in how the reader can only read the poem on the page or on the screen, and not the poet's mind. If you want the reader to get certain aspects of your vision for the poem, it's got to be in the poem in some kind of concrete way. We have to be able to read it, imagine it, feel it, or guess it from what's in the text itself. And it can be really hard for readers to guess what's in the poets mind from broad or abstract statements. I think that's what's happening with this poem - many of the descriptions and statements in the poem are vague or abstract.
That's why discussion and critique are valuable. It's possible to learn about how other people read your poem, and this can be really useful for revision. You know what readers get out of the poem, so it's possible to edit the poem to guide the reader towards what you want to say and away from confusion and misconception.
Anyway, I read the first stanza as stating some contrast between the "dark angel" and everyone else. "A sea of sparkling light" feels like a metaphor for something, but because I'm not clear on who the dark angel is, it's hard for me to tell what kind of metaphor it is, or even if it's a straightforward description of the view the speaker has of her, a monolithic dark figure against bright sunlight. Likewise, it's hard to tell what is description and what is metaphor in the second stanza. And I also wondered: "smoke didn't work" for what? To make her brighter? To kill her? The statement about pain is an example of a part of the poem that seems vague to me.
Ultimately, I think the poem is about suicide. I want to connect with the main character in the poem, but it's difficult because I don't know much about her as a person - just as a symbol in someone else's tale, the moral of some story.
I'll reiterate a question others have asked: what is your goal with the poem? Do you want to tell a story? Make us empathize with the character in the poem? Was the point to vent something inside yourself onto the page, just for yourself? Or do you want to communicate with a reader who doesn't know you and your poetry?
That's why discussion and critique are valuable. It's possible to learn about how other people read your poem, and this can be really useful for revision. You know what readers get out of the poem, so it's possible to edit the poem to guide the reader towards what you want to say and away from confusion and misconception.
Anyway, I read the first stanza as stating some contrast between the "dark angel" and everyone else. "A sea of sparkling light" feels like a metaphor for something, but because I'm not clear on who the dark angel is, it's hard for me to tell what kind of metaphor it is, or even if it's a straightforward description of the view the speaker has of her, a monolithic dark figure against bright sunlight. Likewise, it's hard to tell what is description and what is metaphor in the second stanza. And I also wondered: "smoke didn't work" for what? To make her brighter? To kill her? The statement about pain is an example of a part of the poem that seems vague to me.
Ultimately, I think the poem is about suicide. I want to connect with the main character in the poem, but it's difficult because I don't know much about her as a person - just as a symbol in someone else's tale, the moral of some story.
I'll reiterate a question others have asked: what is your goal with the poem? Do you want to tell a story? Make us empathize with the character in the poem? Was the point to vent something inside yourself onto the page, just for yourself? Or do you want to communicate with a reader who doesn't know you and your poetry?