Cataclysmic

[Todd]

"theirs were perfect white" Who are "theirs"? This could use some/a lot of context.

She was a dark angel
underneath a bright streetlight,
her body bruised and broken,
they were perfect white

That basically says the same thing. It just removes the mythos, and in the end, it is the human element that we connect with.

The next two stanzas add little to the first.

"Smoke didnt work,
and bruises fade.
She desired more pain,
a more permanent thing." <"thing"? Why, and put out her eyes, chop off body parts>

"But one scar wouldnt do,
there had to be more,
She fought with her demons,
but lost the war. "

Cataclysmic usually refers to an extreme event in nature, not something that happens to an individual. For this to work she would need to be the personification of a natural force, or at least a major goddess, although more likely a god such as Poseidon who can create cataclysms such as tidal waves, or hurricanes.>


Best,


Dale

Im not sure you get it. Theirs is referring to the sea of sparkling light (the happy people without problems) smoke is legit smoke (a cigarette) a more permanent thing is her cutting her wrist to produce a permant scar, there had to be more is just the way it is when you self harm, but i doubt you understand that. Her demons were the voices in her head, and things she struggles with. She had them because everyone is born with them (duh). And for the title, its a metaphor. You said it referred to nature or a goddess? Its the destruction of an angel.. I think thats a bit of both. Sorry if it was all just a little over your head

If people don't "get" the poem. Sometimes the problem is the poem. That said, we all get critique we don't agree with--being condescending to someone who spent time giving you feedback is a path to getting no additional feedback. Usually a "Thanks for taking the time to comment" would be enough.

Best,

Todd