05-23-2014, 02:54 AM
Thoughtjotter,
Yes, thanks I will take that own the "invading chiggers swelling genitals", that was exactly what I wanted to say, but couldn't find it. Spot on, thanks.
Yes, I am aware of some of the other ramifications of DDT, but I felt I should limit this poem to what was most commonly known, especially as it is a somewhat nostalgic look at "better" times, not a sermon on the dangers of pesticides.
Marcella,
Here are the sentences you mentioned with some corrections for clarity.
"Riding our bikes in and out of the smoky tail of Smog* the DDT dragon, killer of the ubiquitous “Texas Horned Toad”,
the last bastion against the pervasive hoards of South American Fire Ants.
* An allusion to "Smaug" the dragon from the "Hobbit", as they both sound nearly the same.
"Green Flag" no longer made, was a pesticide that one sprinkled on ant mounds, which would be taken in and ingested by the ants, thus killing the colony. It was completely ineffective against fire ants.
In terms of D-day, maybe:
"finally tipping over
as wave upon wave crashed onto our shores
making the numbers ar Normandy look small by comparison." Better?
This was a bad line anyway.
"Tipping a wing to their new Axis allies
the fire breathing ant hoards,as they roared past"
Maybe
"Tipping a wing to their new Axis allies
the fire ant armada as they roared past."
"Between the mighty triumvirate
of fleas, mosquitoes, and fire ants,
it was only a short time before
they would retake the outdoors that was once theirs;"
"Interesting to blame this problem on the bugs instead of the technology and/or overworked parents."
Actually, my intent was to blame it on the snake that made the garden of Eden possible, and knowledge that killed it. Ignorance is bliss as they say!
Both of you, thanks much for the time and effort you put into your comments,
Dale
Yes, thanks I will take that own the "invading chiggers swelling genitals", that was exactly what I wanted to say, but couldn't find it. Spot on, thanks.
Yes, I am aware of some of the other ramifications of DDT, but I felt I should limit this poem to what was most commonly known, especially as it is a somewhat nostalgic look at "better" times, not a sermon on the dangers of pesticides.
Marcella,
Here are the sentences you mentioned with some corrections for clarity.
"Riding our bikes in and out of the smoky tail of Smog* the DDT dragon, killer of the ubiquitous “Texas Horned Toad”,
the last bastion against the pervasive hoards of South American Fire Ants.
* An allusion to "Smaug" the dragon from the "Hobbit", as they both sound nearly the same.
"Green Flag" no longer made, was a pesticide that one sprinkled on ant mounds, which would be taken in and ingested by the ants, thus killing the colony. It was completely ineffective against fire ants.
In terms of D-day, maybe:
"finally tipping over
as wave upon wave crashed onto our shores
making the numbers ar Normandy look small by comparison." Better?
This was a bad line anyway.
"Tipping a wing to their new Axis allies
the fire breathing ant hoards,as they roared past"
Maybe
"Tipping a wing to their new Axis allies
the fire ant armada as they roared past."
"Between the mighty triumvirate
of fleas, mosquitoes, and fire ants,
it was only a short time before
they would retake the outdoors that was once theirs;"
"Interesting to blame this problem on the bugs instead of the technology and/or overworked parents."
Actually, my intent was to blame it on the snake that made the garden of Eden possible, and knowledge that killed it. Ignorance is bliss as they say!
Both of you, thanks much for the time and effort you put into your comments,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.