05-22-2014, 01:09 PM
This has nice description but some of the lines come off a bit awkward: Just some examples, not suggestions (some of these I am uncertain what you mean) I think this would read better in first person.
This part of Hamburg looks and feels Siberian.
I retrace my childish fingers went
across the footnotes that creased in exile. (don't really understand this)
The air has a bite/taste/feel of spring
that sends the leafy shadows quivering
against the patchy asphalt.
The scent of apple trees in bloom
hang like a green halo and caught
between my highs-strung ankles –????
I am overwhelmed as the dusk descend
down my hair to its very ends
where I tied ancient bronze bells that
announce the coming of summer.
Best,
Dale
This part of Hamburg looks and feels Siberian.
I retrace my childish fingers went
across the footnotes that creased in exile. (don't really understand this)
The air has a bite/taste/feel of spring
that sends the leafy shadows quivering
against the patchy asphalt.
The scent of apple trees in bloom
hang like a green halo and caught
between my highs-strung ankles –????
I am overwhelmed as the dusk descend
down my hair to its very ends
where I tied ancient bronze bells that
announce the coming of summer.
Best,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.