Cataclysmic

[Erthona]

"theirs were perfect white" Who are "theirs"? This could use some/a lot of context.

She was a dark angel
underneath a bright streetlight,
her body bruised and broken,
they were perfect white

That basically says the same thing. It just removes the mythos, and in the end, it is the human element that we connect with.

The next two stanzas add little to the first.

"Smoke didnt work,
and bruises fade.
She desired more pain,
a more permanent thing." <"thing"? Why, and put out her eyes, chop off body parts>

"But one scar wouldnt do,
there had to be more,
She fought with her demons,
but lost the war. "

Cataclysmic usually refers to an extreme event in nature, not something that happens to an individual. For this to work she would need to be the personification of a natural force, or at least a major goddess, although more likely a god such as Poseidon who can create cataclysms such as tidal waves, or hurricanes.>


Best,


Dale