05-22-2014, 11:19 AM
Jambalaya,
In general center justify is reserved for concrete poetry, as it makes the reading unnecessarily difficult. Some punctuation would also be nice unless the writer has a good rationale for it's non-usage.
"My thoughts are not real, it proposes" <"thoughts> plural, "it" singular>
This is totally confusing. I don't know who is saying what:
"It is me, it confesses" <"it" is "me"> Why not say I confess? Why do you make this more difficult to read. It does not add anything to whatever this is.
If this were like the disease talking to the addict I could understand it some, but it is still to muddled. There are not enough clues as to who is what. "It" needs to be identified for this to make sense. It is unfair to ask the reader to guess.
Best,
dale
In general center justify is reserved for concrete poetry, as it makes the reading unnecessarily difficult. Some punctuation would also be nice unless the writer has a good rationale for it's non-usage.
"My thoughts are not real, it proposes" <"thoughts> plural, "it" singular>
This is totally confusing. I don't know who is saying what:
"It is me, it confesses" <"it" is "me"> Why not say I confess? Why do you make this more difficult to read. It does not add anything to whatever this is.
If this were like the disease talking to the addict I could understand it some, but it is still to muddled. There are not enough clues as to who is what. "It" needs to be identified for this to make sense. It is unfair to ask the reader to guess.
Best,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.