05-21-2014, 09:12 AM
Neat writing, but I would suggest just aligning it to the left of the page for easier reading. Some poems are nice center-aligned, but this one has such a disparity in the length of the lines (not a bad thing, just a fact) that the center alignment makes it tough to jump around. I found it hard to really read the piece like this.
From what I did read, though, I liked your point of view. It's a feeling we've all had at some point, perhaps recently or not-so-recently.
A few points:
Watch out for repetition of words. Example:
I am Supposed to be the only me
I find confusion in this fact when there are billions more than just me
And so there must be clones of me, or me be a clone of someone else
This in some way comforts me yet my sense of self identity is hazed
Blinds me from my real insecurities
And the dilemma of life encompasses me in such a way that it eludes me
---There is some good insight here but when I read it, all that jumps out is the word "me." These are lengthy sentences that could be simplified and perhaps even combined in some cases. Try reading the poem out loud and finding the bits that seem awkward to speak.
Another example, the last line:
Of what could have become but what scarcely will
---You can get rid of the second "what."
As I said, re-align it and then read it for yourself. That is one of the best ways to do a first edit!
Good luck and thanks for the interesting read!
From what I did read, though, I liked your point of view. It's a feeling we've all had at some point, perhaps recently or not-so-recently.
A few points:
Watch out for repetition of words. Example:
I am Supposed to be the only me
I find confusion in this fact when there are billions more than just me
And so there must be clones of me, or me be a clone of someone else
This in some way comforts me yet my sense of self identity is hazed
Blinds me from my real insecurities
And the dilemma of life encompasses me in such a way that it eludes me
---There is some good insight here but when I read it, all that jumps out is the word "me." These are lengthy sentences that could be simplified and perhaps even combined in some cases. Try reading the poem out loud and finding the bits that seem awkward to speak.
Another example, the last line:
Of what could have become but what scarcely will
---You can get rid of the second "what."
As I said, re-align it and then read it for yourself. That is one of the best ways to do a first edit!
Good luck and thanks for the interesting read!
Let's put Rowdy on top of the TV and see which one of us can throw a hat on him first. 
