05-18-2014, 10:21 PM
I daresay everyone else commenting is talking great sense. I didn't get much first off, and felt slightly irritated. However, to my ear, meaning or no meaning, it sounds well, and has a familiar rhythm. Your first lines are quite legitimate. It is no different from saying '' Nowadays, I swim under the water'' i.e., adverbial phrase, subject, adverbial phrase. There is no reason to knock it on grammatical grounds.
I think 'two-some minds' is good. By an odd coincidence, I mentioned bifurcation just this week, as a legal trick, but the mental picture, say, of a road dividing -bifurcating - does not preclude the possibility of the paths rejoining each other. If one enters a maze, one has first to decide whether to take the right or left-hand path. Thee trees around do come full circle, and so would the paths, were they not blocked off by the designer.
I am in a rush --there is probably rather too much singing going on, for me. I do not object to the conversational tone. I hope a better critic gives you suggestions, as I do not feel it is a great fail, principally, because it sounds so well.
I think 'two-some minds' is good. By an odd coincidence, I mentioned bifurcation just this week, as a legal trick, but the mental picture, say, of a road dividing -bifurcating - does not preclude the possibility of the paths rejoining each other. If one enters a maze, one has first to decide whether to take the right or left-hand path. Thee trees around do come full circle, and so would the paths, were they not blocked off by the designer.
I am in a rush --there is probably rather too much singing going on, for me. I do not object to the conversational tone. I hope a better critic gives you suggestions, as I do not feel it is a great fail, principally, because it sounds so well.