05-14-2014, 03:31 PM
When I read this in my head I liked the jolly feel it provoked, especially those last two lines. 
The messy messes line needs rewriting obviously as others pointed out.
One thing I really liked was where you implied most people get drunk out of boredom-- which is very true, because if we were satisfied, there would be no real need to get intoxicated, other than to just get intoxicated.
I think you should say, "I'm invisible, it seems to BADE." I just think that adds further foreshadowing to the ending.
The messy messes line needs rewriting obviously as others pointed out.
One thing I really liked was where you implied most people get drunk out of boredom-- which is very true, because if we were satisfied, there would be no real need to get intoxicated, other than to just get intoxicated.
I think you should say, "I'm invisible, it seems to BADE." I just think that adds further foreshadowing to the ending.