05-14-2014, 09:28 AM
"why's he going to the store if the bear is in the fridge "
well it's a charity case you see, he felt sorry for the poor lonely beer, so he went to the store to get him some friends, thus justifying the expense. What's a bounced check between friends? OK payday advance. I don't know, ask the drunk guy!
"Last stanza; too wordy; feels contrived"
I would disagree, the whole poem is wordy and contrived, it is no less than a contrived poem, but the point it, it is no more!
Thank you for your comments, I will refer to them when editing. I appreciate the time you took to look over it.
Dale
Thoughtjotter,
Sorry, didn't see your comment up there.
"could be a sign of a GREAT Poet; to create a virgin cliche "messy messes here galore""
I'll take that as a "aye" vote for "messy messes here galore"!
Appreciate your comments and taking the time to give it a read.
Best,
Dale
well it's a charity case you see, he felt sorry for the poor lonely beer, so he went to the store to get him some friends, thus justifying the expense. What's a bounced check between friends? OK payday advance. I don't know, ask the drunk guy!
"Last stanza; too wordy; feels contrived"
I would disagree, the whole poem is wordy and contrived, it is no less than a contrived poem, but the point it, it is no more!
Thank you for your comments, I will refer to them when editing. I appreciate the time you took to look over it.
Dale
Thoughtjotter,
Sorry, didn't see your comment up there.
"could be a sign of a GREAT Poet; to create a virgin cliche "messy messes here galore""
I'll take that as a "aye" vote for "messy messes here galore"!
Appreciate your comments and taking the time to give it a read.
Best,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.