I Shall Not Get Drunk Today

[LorettaYoung]

.

I shall not get drunk today,
I haven’t the money anyway,
a half week before pay day,
and as I open up the frig,
I spy behind the lemon fizz,
just one small and tiny beer,
pretending it’s not even there,
“I’m invisible it seems to say.”
No, I shall not get drunk today.

There’s yard work that I need do,
a big pile of doggie poo,
tools left by… I don’t know who.
When I open the garage door,
I see messy messes here galore,
sitting there upon the floor,
today I think I won’t be bored,
and in my will I will not sway.
No, I shall not get drunk today.

I’m going good, worked up a sweat,
though I’m not nearly half done yet,
but soon I think, yes soon I’ll bet.
Overheated, yes I think,
a glass of water from the sink,
opening the frig I say “Oh dear!”
Without a pal, there is that beer,
friends he needs to make him cheer’,
so to the store I’ll make my way.
“God damn! I shall get drunk today!”




This isn't worth a serious work-shopping, but there is plenty wrong with it. Poor thing, needs someone's help. Inspired by the poem of the day(though not nearly so good), "Ballade of Suicide" by G. K. Chesterton. His is in five, mine barely makes four.

–Erthona

©2014

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OK, a pathetic try:
Line 2: Don't have the money anyway, haven't throws off rhythm
line 3; Half week....before pay day seems forced
line 4 and is unnecessary; too many words
A tiny beer pretending it's not here-combine lines
there's roadwork I need to do (no that)
Opening garage and messes can be one line
sitting on the floor unnecessary
Last stanza; too wordy; feels contrived: rhymes like "make my way", I though he was broke; why's he going to the store if the bear is in the fridge