Untitled

[poe]

I agree that that one long line looks funny in the middle of the poem- but I also think that it reads just fine. The internal rhyming makes it work, and breaking up that long line would make the poem sound weaker when read.
Also, not a fan of using exclamation marks in poetry, since I think the words should convey the excitement/emotion that exclamation marks represent.
Other than that, I really appreciate all the editing you've done, and I like this poem a lot. It makes you think. Great write.

RSaba,
You are absolutely right about the exclamation point. It goes.
Thanks,
P