05-13-2014, 09:24 PM
Hi SBJ!
I'll second everyone else & add that "New Sincerity" (at least how you have described it) sounds like so much pc blather. Being original will never lose its meaning or its value, or go out of style. If one's self-esteem as a poet (or artist, writer, etc.) is so brittle that any criticism is taken personally or is rejected as infringing on one's "sincerity" then perhaps one shoud look for another hobby.
That being said, let's see here...
This reminds of "Waiting for Godot", which I had to read in high school and which I hated. Don't wait for Godot ("something to change my fate"), go out and find him/it!
Is your "empty room" the whole of your "empty world"? This idea has potential; work on trying to bring it out.
But love is a two-way street; are you capable of giving love? Tell us!
Ah, now your "empty world" contracts even further! This metaphor has potential but I think you could do a lot better in bringing it out.
I am confused (don't worry, this happens to me a lot
). Do you want love or to be dead? I don't see how the two jibe.
But nights positively buzz with life! We may go to sleep but nighttime is very much alive and hardly silent.
Yes, we know that. You've told us, more than once.
Not a bad thing, far from it.
There are a zillion and one ways to express existential loneliness. Good luck in working on finding a better, more original, way to express yours.
nb
I'll second everyone else & add that "New Sincerity" (at least how you have described it) sounds like so much pc blather. Being original will never lose its meaning or its value, or go out of style. If one's self-esteem as a poet (or artist, writer, etc.) is so brittle that any criticism is taken personally or is rejected as infringing on one's "sincerity" then perhaps one shoud look for another hobby.
That being said, let's see here...
Quote:All alone in my little world
I sit and stare and wait
Hoping for a shred of light
Something to change my fate
This reminds of "Waiting for Godot", which I had to read in high school and which I hated. Don't wait for Godot ("something to change my fate"), go out and find him/it!
Quote:All alone in my empty room
I wish and pray and plead
That maybe one day
I'll get the love I need
Is your "empty room" the whole of your "empty world"? This idea has potential; work on trying to bring it out.
But love is a two-way street; are you capable of giving love? Tell us!
Quote:All alone in my aching heart
I sob and moan and cry
Wanting so badly
To just be free and die
Ah, now your "empty world" contracts even further! This metaphor has potential but I think you could do a lot better in bringing it out.
I am confused (don't worry, this happens to me a lot
). Do you want love or to be dead? I don't see how the two jibe.Quote:But alas, no answer
The night is silent as stone
But nights positively buzz with life! We may go to sleep but nighttime is very much alive and hardly silent.
Quote:Because, as you know
I am all alone
Yes, we know that. You've told us, more than once.
Quote:A couple days ago I started writing poetry on a whim.
Not a bad thing, far from it.
Quote:This was the first one I wrote. Hope you enjoy!
There are a zillion and one ways to express existential loneliness. Good luck in working on finding a better, more original, way to express yours.
nb